As I promised, I am detailing my Christmas Holiday for some friends who had no plans, couldn't be with family, or just wanted to know. I'll start with Christmas Eve and then take it to now.
On Christmas Eve I had to work from 9am to 10pm. It was a long ass time but I got over time out of it so I'm ok with that. At 10pm I got off work and drove directly to my parents house. I had already packed my bags before work so I could grab and go. Let me just say, it was snowing like a bitch. It had been snowing for almost two days and the roads weren't all that great so I drove carefully. When I got to my parents house I heard my niece say "Uncle Ian! Look what movie we're watching!" It was A Christmas Story. I. Hate. That. Movie. My mom once taped it on vhs and watched it all the damn time. So I stole the damn thing and threw it away. Then my sister bought the DVD version for her on a Christmas some years ago. She can't find it anymore, and I swear it wasn't me! It's ok though because now she has it DVR'ed so I got to watch it. Twice. I swear I have the same reaction to "You'll shoot your eye out!" as I have to "They all float down here." Evil. Anyway, most of my siblings had gone home for the night but my oldest brother and his family were there. I had gotten my niece an easy bake cookie set for Christmas and, unfortunately because of this, I had to be the taste tester. They tasted like pure shit but I had a smile on my face as I ate it. As for gifts, my family draws names every year. One name for my grandparents house and one name for my parents house, plus the two nieces. My mother had my name this year and she got me a walmart gift card, which I asked for. So I was very happy. Oh and to my surprise there was a key chain in the shape of a penis in my stocking. A christmas present from my brother. My niece saw it and said "Hey what's that? Can I have one?" We changed the subject rather fast after that. I had drawn my sister in laws name so I got her a $50 visa card, which is what she asked for. She said she was happy because now she could shop! Women =P
After all this it was time to wait. I had my instructions from my aunt for later. Most of my family was at midnight mass. Don't ask why I didn't go, it's personal. Suffice to say, I didn't go. Anyway, my orders were that at 1:30 in the a.m I was to drive my cousins brand new Kia Sorento over to their house, stick a bow on her new vehicle and her old vehicle and then ring the doorbell. So that's exactly what I did. They came out the garage door and didn't even see me. She looked at her new vehicle and said "That's not mine!" When we told her it was hers, she flipped out! The best part? Her old vehicle was being given to her brother and he flipped out too! It was pretty joyful. They took a ride around the block in the new vehicle and then we all went inside and they showed me what they got. Let me tell you, I totally wish I'd been born into that family. My cousin, Nathan, got a toooon of good stuff. A new ps3, dj hero 2, $100 headphones, some new xbox games. His sister received some new ear rings, a necklace, the Kinect add on for her brothers Xbox 360 with a ton of kinect games, like that dance thing. So can you guess what happened next? We played games! We got it all set up and played the kinect dance game. That damn thing makes you sweat and look like a very convincing retard. Then we set up the dj hero and learned how to use it too. So sleep came around 4 in the a.m.
When I woke up my aunt, uncle, and cousins had to go over to my uncles mother's house. They have their own Christmas stuff during the morning so I stayed at their house for awhile. I ended up taking a shower, using their laptop, and playing some dj hero 2. That's some tough stuff you know? Awesome game though. I just don't like a lot of rap so it was hard to play and not be all grossed out. lol. Finally those guys came back and I went with them to my grandmothers house. That's where we do most of our family holiday stuff. My family always gets together on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. You already know that I missed the Christmas Eve festivities but after everything that happened today, I'm just glad I didn't miss today!
I have two cousins I don't see a whole lot that were already there. One of them annoys the shit outta me and the other one has finally been coming out of his shell and getting his head out of his ass. So we talked a lot about some stuff and it was good. Mostly we waited for the rest of the big ass family to trickle in. It took awhile but we got everyone there. The cooking was going good and it smelled really good in that house! My cousins had brought the xbox and the kinect and we set it up again. Showed off the dance moves and then started doing the sports. I have a little 8 year old cousin named Robert who I bowled against. I totally whooped his ass twice. It was time for eating after that. I dont know why but this year, the kids table had more "adults" than kids at it. It was good though, my whole family was really getting along and enjoying ourselves together. So after eating it was time for presents. One of my little cousins had poked a whole in one of his presents so he was freaking out about wanting to actually open it to get to the present! Such a rascal. Everyone really got what they wanted this year. It was great. I ended up with another walmart gift card that I had asked for. Now I have two and with those wonder twin powers combined, I'll be able to get the one thing I really wanted. A kick ass set of pots and pans. Don't laugh, I need them. My old ones are for shit. Oh and don't forget, during this whooooole thing, there were a ton of dirty jokes being said. Almost non stop. Like my grandparents got a foam mattress for their bed and that stirred up a hornets nest! Then, without fail, we had a "snowball" fight via wrapping paper while using the clothing boxes as shields. Yeah, like kids. So usually at this point in time the adults do the one thing we're really good at. Cards. About 14 members of the family started off on a game of Shit On Your Neighbor. It's an interesting card game where everyone gets one card and can stay with their card or trade with their neighbor, hence the shitting. We also play it for money. Everyone puts a dollar in. I opted out of the first game, I had a score to settle with Robert with the kinect bowling. Again his ass was kicked. That's when I showed my Aunt Sherri how to use it. Let me tell you, Highlight. Of. The. Night. I had been sitting and watching the card game when it happened. My aunt started playing the kinect soccer. She actually started kicking the boxes of presents in front of her, that's how into it she was. And then at the very end... she scored a goal! Let me tell you, a goal it was. She scored the goal and then the loudest scream ever came out of her mouth. I think my cousin got a photo of it, I'll let ya'll see that later. No one could stop laughing for a whole 5-10 minutes. After that hilarious display of gaming, I ended up in a game of Shit On Your Neighbor. I was the first person knocked out of the game. Not that I'm horrible, I just had some shitty luck but it's ok, we had a lot of fun playing it. After that it was time for more kinect. I played some table tennis and kicked my uncles ass so hard, it probably still hurts right now. That's when we showed my Aunt Sherri the kinect dance game. She has no moves whatsoever. None. Come to think of it, most of my family doesn't. We all looked like total fools! Of course, when I had to dance off with my cousin I got interrupted so many times I lost horribly. At the same time my niece and my cousin decided to use one of the boxes as toys and put it over their heads. This is when the night winds down. People were starting to leave. The leftovers had been gathered. One last round of dirty jokes. Then we were done. I had rode up with my cousin in her new vehicle so I rode back to my vehicle in hers. On the way home we recapped the night and came up with one conclusion. First of all, it was one of the only times no one in the family of 25 or so people had gotten sad by something another member of the family had said. Score. Second, this is the first time our Uncle Robbie had actually wanted to stay longer and participated in playing some kick ass games. Joyous. And last but not least, it was the first time the dishes got done without someone having to say "I did them last year!" They just got done. And that, ladies and gentleman, is why this year was the Best. Christmas. Ever.
The End.
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